I had this weeks Thankful Thursday's post planned in my head early this week. I just wanted to thank everyone out there for believing in me.
A few words.
I thought simplicity might just get the message across how I wanted it.
Then came yesterday's hospital appointment.
As the tumour does not appear to be growing they don't want to see me again for six months.
I walked out with Mark and Phoebe feeling quite numb. I think that was the feeling?
I hardly slept last night and then woke yelling at the children.
Tino pai Jaz! (Well done)
So what's up Jaz?
Well, they built me up for a round of Chemotherapy. I had my will in order and had my funeral music chosen. Just to cover all bases, that's all. Well it's done now and they want to leave me!!??
That's why I feel numb I guess. I had myself prepared for the worst.
I still have to live with the ongoing symptoms, and the MRI in January will be scary. This is still a part of my life. So I just couldn't feel anything yesterday.
I'm sure Mark must think I'm bonkers.
Sometimes I think this tumour might be making me bonkers.
So I did something today.
I wrote a children's book. About a parent having Cancer, from the perspective of the child.
If I'm brave enough and can find some lovely children to illustrate it I might ..........well you know........ see if anyone else thinks it's ok. I know the librarians at the Cancer society are desperate for more children's literature.
So I was numb. Now I'm kind of chuffed. Proud?
Maybe this tumour experience is presenting a silver lining.
I can just be Jaz for six months.
A new Jaz, a different Jaz, but still mum of three and wife to Mark.
See what I mean..........that's how numb feels.